Finding Love After Spinal Cord Injury

Read about how Shaun Gash, who was injured at a young age, overcame his doubts and insecurities to find love. 

Learn how Shaun found romance post-injury.

This article is based on interviews conducted by Sue Lennon. Sue is a nurse, therapist, educator, and coach with nearly three decades of experience in oncology nursing – including urology and stoma care. She values nurse-patient communication and provides truly holistic care. 

At the age of 20, Shaun Gash was involved in a road traffic accident resulting in a spinal cord injury (SCI). 

As a result of the accident, Shaun’s life changed as he began to live with the consequences of his injury – including its impact on his relationships. Shaun feels his positive outlook enhanced the opportunity to enjoy an intimate partnership. “With the right mindset, romance can flourish after SCI,” he says. 

Now in his mid-50s, Shaun recalls his thought process during his rehabilitation. “I was trying to accept and understand what had happened to me…that I was not going to be able to walk again,” he says. “It was a case of trying to figure out what that meant. What am I going to do? Will I have a relationship? Am I ever going to have a family?” 

For single people who experience a spinal cord injury, it’s natural to have doubts and insecurities about the potential for romance. But finding love is definitely possible.  

Staying positive during recovery lays the groundwork

Doctors gave Shaun two days to live after his accident in 1991. Three decades later, he inspires others to live fully after SCI. As he looks back on those early days and weeks of rehabilitation, however, he recalls how he felt like he was missing out. “All my friends were still going out, drinking, and partying, while I was laid up in the hospital,” he remembers. 

Throughout the rehabilitation process, Shaun got stronger, both mentally and physically. “I’m a paraplegic, so I still have full upper-body strength; I can dress and wash myself, and all kinds of other things,” he says. “So yeah, my experience was difficult in the beginning, but realising what I still could do turned it into something more positive.” Being in a good place emotionally gave Shaun the confidence to look for romance. 

Overcoming doubts and finding love after spinal cord injury

“First, I had to come to terms with being in a wheelchair; I had to learn to transfer, get on a toilet, and deal with my bladder and bowels,” Shaun says. “So, I didn’t think about dating until I after got discharged from the hospital.” 

“As a young man, I needed to prove to myself that I could still get a girlfriend, that I was still worthy enough to have one, regardless of my disability,” he says. “I needed a girlfriend for my emotional state and mental health…for my feel-good factor.” 

Shaun transitioned from the hospital to a rehabilitation facility, where he met Dawn. Dawn and Shaun connected with each other immediately, and romance blossomed. As their relationship progressed, they proactively sought couples counseling to help them build a solid foundation for a lasting and fulfilling partnership. 

Shaun recalls one special memory. “Dawn had just wrapped up her shift and we decided to take a late-night drive to unwind; we ended up parked outside her house, talking about everything and nothing, as we often did,” he remembers. The moment felt simple but right, so he turned to her and without any grand gestures, just asked, “So will you marry me?” There was no dramatic kneeling, no fairy lights twinkling around them, none of the usual romantic flourishes. “It was just us, the quiet night and a question that had been on my mind for a while,” he says. “Dawn looked at me, broke into one of her beaming smiles, and with a casual “OK” accepted; it wasn’t traditional, but it was perfect for us – and from this unassuming moment, the rest became our history.” 

Facing the future – positively and proactively

Striking up an intimate relationship after spinal cord injury comes with a variety of challenges. Dawn and Shaun have worked together to overcome any obstacles they faced. Today, they are happily married, and share a fun and active family life with their three adult children who were conceived through in-vitro fertilisation (IVF). “I’ve got three wonderful kids who were all conceived at the same time, but are five years apart in age,” Shaun jokes. “That’s pretty special, isn’t it?” 

 

Interested in learning more about Shaun’s SCI journey? Watch Sue Lennon’s full interview with him.